Chronic Illness, Church, Decision, Feelings, Judgement, True Life, Wedding

Sad Road To Matrimony

Let me tell you a true story about a Maid-of-Honor that ruined the wedding of a Bride by taking her dream of the wedding, and shattering it all!

My Fiancée and I had a date set,  we had a themed planned, his work had approved time off.  Things were running smoothly and on course until:

Back up a bit, please:  My Fiance and I are both Volunteers at our church. She is not. Let’s call her ‘Cruella’.  She attends the church but does not volunteer in the Leader sense of the word.  The church has a policy that you should not be a Leader and knowingly commit sin.  We were living together and therefor committing sin.  Terrible, I know.  While some people did know of this personally due to being friends with us, and it was whispered amongst some (including some of the Pastors in the church), nothing was said aloud, probably due to the fact that we had a date planned and marriage was coming up soon.

Cruella supposedly just learned recently that we were Living Together.  She went on and on about how we were sinning and going against the church.  I kept asking her to let it go.  I told her we were going to be married.  I begged her to let it go..finally to the point of telling her to let it go or she could be out of the wedding.

The next day, we get a phone call from one of the bigger heads of the church (this was yesterday.) Somebody (Gosh, wonder who?) has been calling and complaining about our living situation and the fact that we volunteer.  We have two options.  Either we stop volunteering until we get married, which would have been in August or we get married Right Away!  Right Away?  YES< Tonight!

What a decision.  Volunteering means so much to D.  He is a Greeter, he does Music, and he helps everywhere needed.  I am working with the children now and hoping to become a Teacher!  We had to say Yes.  So, yesterday was spent getting the License and going to three stores to find a ring to fit his finger.  Obviously, not the one he really wants.  We wore our Run DMC outfits because nothing was planned and we got married in a Private Ceremony in the back room by one of the Pastors. After the wedding, we went to a restaurant to celebrate with my friend from church who stood up for me and the guy who videotaped it for us, another friend of ours.

I love D and I am happy to be his wife. But, it wasn’t fair to have been robbed of our ceremony.  None of my family and friends were around to see me get married.  Our wedding night was not spent in a nice, hotel room.  After killing 3 bugs, Poor D. held me in his arms as I cried myself to sleep over this whole, stupid situation and my feelings over Cruella.  If she hadn’t called the church, we would have made it to our wedding ceremony.  D. had never been married.  This wasn’t even a proper elopement.  It was not fair in any shape or form.  I do not blame the church since they have their policies.  I believe they were working with us which is why they tried to ignore it and did not take action until they started receiving phone calls.

3 thoughts on “Sad Road To Matrimony”

  1. “church” friends can be so damn cruel it isn’t funny. I went through a similar situation and it sucks big time. In my case we didn’t get married but they stopped me from managing the singles web page that I had built. My kids went to school at the church and they tried to get my kids kicked out of school. It really was a horrible situation. I really feel for you. This was almost 15 yrs ago and I’m still working on forgiving some of them. Its hard. Hugs and prayers for you both.


  2. Im so sorry…this hurts my heart because I know how you feel. I moved out to Ohio and Dave and I lived together before me got married out of necessity. It wasnt really the plan but I knew we were getting married eventually and I let it be. We were going to church at the local Calvary Chapel. Well when the pastor got wing of the face we were not married he called us into his office. The bottom line: Either we “take care of the situation” or we needed to leave the church. Dave was LIVID. Well we did get married several months later;they didnt ask us to leave in the interim oddly, but did give us judgmental looks. The first Sunday we were back everyone saw our rings and was all OH HIIIIII smiling and different. Dave was again LIVED and refused to go back as did I. He said “I am the very same person today as I was a week ago when we were not married and I will not be treated like that” I agreed fully and We are now active and happy at our present church!

    What I say is you can STILL have your ceremony but DO NOT invite Cruella. Dress up, have a theme and flowers and a cake, re-take your vows and STILL have the day you wanted! Other cultures have multi day weddings and even here people get married in two places for family or other reasons. Why should you be denied that because of that bitter pill of a woman? If its who I think it is I know shes jealous because she tried to get D when you two started dating and he rebuffed her for you! Anyway. Cmon still have your ceremony! No more tears over that loser woman!

    I love you GF forever. Team Bunny!!!!!!!


    1. D. loves the church and would not want to leave. I also really like the church, itself. It is not necessarily the church, nor the church policies. The majority had been watching us and had known we were planning our wedding. The majority were keeping quiet. Even the Pastors knew and we were getting ready to start Marriage Counseling. If they hadn’t received any complaints, I doubt things would have gone down as they did.
      We are praying on what to do. We still planning on having a Reception/Party. We have not decided now if we should do it sooner or just have everything we wanted originally. We will not NOT invite her, officially, as, it is open to all. God does command us to forgive. This is just going to take a long time.


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