My eyes are red from crying over this situation. Is it honestly selfish to have wanted the wedding D and I so desired? I was reading the Bible about forgiveness. It’s going to take a bit. A long time. Right now, I don’t think I can be close to her, near her in any capacity. I’ve already warned people including D. since I will be a Greeter at church, I do not want her coming up to me and congratulating me. I do not want her near me. I honestly believe I will have a break-down or/and take her outside and tell her how I feel and it won’t be pretty. The reason we would go outside is I know it isn’t right to throw F-Bombs in the middle of church.
D and I talked last night, and he is going to talk to Pastor to see what we can do to save this, or at least red0 this situation, a bit. While we are already married in the legal form, there has got to be some sort of ceremony we can incorporate into the Reception/Party we are going to have (in August) that friends and family can witness. I can have the right person stand up for me this time, if we incorporate that. We can keep our theme and we can still take a Limo for pics at the Vegas Sign, if we want.
After that discussion and decision, I finally slept last night.