This post is going to be talked. Since I can’t use my left hand, it is much easier to talk this than it is to type. So please forgive the fact that things will probably run into each other. Okay, so I’m going to try to say this all without tears although it’s going to be extremely difficult. I just discovered a few days ago that my ex-husband doesn’t even want me to be on Instagram. This really really hurts. I think the fact I think that What Hurts the Most is the fact that he didn’t even tell me there was no forewarning, when we got into this mess I warned him that if he didn’t stop the drugs that it was our marriage was going to be over, I was going to leave. Well, he decided not to stop. Even went so far as to tell me that he was not addicted but then, he started hiding it and lying about it well, more like hiding it but why should I give him leeway? But the thing is, I forewarned him I told him, I begged him to get help, I offered to go with him to get help, I even fed the church to help us begged begged the church not fed the church stupid spelling anyway I know this is hard, I know this is the hardest situation in the world for us individually or as a couple. I know that by getting an annulment we are no longer a couple, I even know that we had a hard time staying friends. But that was because he would cry about the situation all the time and guilt me because I was the reason he is in it. It, what the heck, this thing is not keeping up with me. Anyway, what I am trying to say is he made his own bed by not stopping drugs. He let our marriage go by not stopping drugs. Now he, is even going to lose me buy a Instagram. Bayou the as in Victory as an independent a as in well you can guess. Well that didn’t work, let’s try that again v v v v Victory there we go when I forgot what I was saying independent a then you know what I mean. Anyway, I guess if this is what he really really wants, I will have no choice but to abide by it because I can’t see his Instagram. But, I’m not blocking him from here. He can read anything I write here. He can read my truth, my emotions, my life. This was my husband whom I loved with body and heart. This was the man I committed to. Yeah, it was the second time because the first one threw me out. Because the first one with selfish and you know what? This one may think I’m selfish but he’s the one who selfish by deciding to make bad choices and ruin the best thing we ever had.
I will not stop praying for him. Whether he likes it or not. No matter what happens in my future, if I fall in love again, God forbid, or got married again which I am definitely not planning on at the moment, I will still always pray for him. I pray for him to go back to the man I met. I pray for him to get back t’god and I really really pray he doesn’t get hurt in the meantime.