Drawing The Line

My prompt for today is; Drawing The Line.

I know there are various interpretations of this but, I am going to address the one that totally affected my life.

My first major boyfriend was a drug addict. Mainly Crystal Meth.  He never had money, slept constantly, was not responsible and we always had to go out in a group.  He also introduced me to a horrible sex act that was definitely not pleasant or comfortable and one I would not ever care to repeat.  But, I digress.

After dating him and dating another druggie; I decidef I was not going to marry one.

I met my last husband at church. D. was pretty much perfect. He didn’t drink, smoke or do drugs and we prayed over all major decisions.  We hadn’t been married a year when he opened the door to allow Marijuana into our lives.  He changef then, and became mean and lazy.

I had already made the decision that being married to a Druggie was not acceptable.  I gave him an ultimatum.. Get Help or Get Out!  Those that have followed my blog know the outcome.  Our marriage ended. His choice. 

 You see, he never came forth with his past history.  He had a history with drug addiction.

Drawing The Line on what is acceptable. It’s very tough but doable, and rigjt, in the long run.

Addiction Experience & Thank You

WordPress People,

You are my therapy and since I know no one personally, you observe my side of things from another perspective.

Let’s talk about addiction.  Can an Addict really change?  Without professional help?  Do you believe someone can just decide to no longer smoke weed, meth, drink beer, whatever, and never go back to it? Without professional help?

I am better then I was and deserve to be treated right!  Do I really want to stay in love or get re- involved with an Addict?  That book should be over and I should never have reopened it.

If anyone can share their experiences, please do.  I am back to focusing on myself and my education for a bit.

Thank you for reading and following this blog.  And thank you for helping me in life’s big decisions.

Friends?

D. and I are going to e-mail or text once in a while. 

 He claims the girl is not a girlfriend and says he quit weed.  He did not go to actual recovery though.  That bothers me because it’s to easy to relapse again and he has lied about quitting before.

I am feeling a bit better.  I am determined to become a better person and open my eyes to reality.

Church Service Generated Emotions

Church was rough last night.  It brought back memories and feelings I am trying to suppress.

 I have a problem with churches telling us to confront a sister/brother in Christ who is sinning and/or to continue until it is rectified.  They are creating a world of people who believe they are better then others.  Unless, you are talking about The Ten Commandments, what one considers a ‘sin’ is not always the same.  Reporting people, can lead to anger and hurt,as well as, stay with someone for a long time.  

 I really miss D. I seriously wonder how I am doing this every day.  I miss our love and the fun we had and I miss how safe I felt…at First.   But, I also want to smack the shit out of him!  

How dare he put drugs before our marriage and happiness!  How dare he omit telling me about some of the lowest times of his life and unlock the door to go back to smoking pot while married to me!  How dare he not try to fight to save his marriage when he had the chance and refuse to get help for his addiction! 

 When will my heart, soul and mind heal?When will this emotional and mental pain end?  Just some thoughts that were generated from last nights church service.

Mental Mothers Day

So, there I was standing in church listening to the music; watching a couple with their arms around each othet sneaking a kiss..and thinking of D.  The last time I was in a church at Mother’s Day, we were together with his mother. 

 People cry at our church because the service gets emotional. Noone knew if my tears were from the singing, the memories of my mothet, or something else.

Upon leaving church, we ran into an acquaintance from our old church.  I tell him what happened with D. and I.  He asks, “Oh, Is he doing Meth again?”. My heart dropped.  I learn D. has been addicted to Meth and other things.Why does it not make it easier to let my memories go and move on?

There was an Alter Call for Mother’s at church so Crazy and I joined. It was a bit uncomfortable for a minute but, I am not going to be excluded from celabraons of Mother’s just because my children aren’t  human.  I still feed,clean,play with and diclipline my fur children and it is not my fault I am unable to have human ones.

I hope you all had a Happy Mother’s Day!

What’s Goin On

Something’s going on with my ex and nobody is telling me which is very annoying. All I know  somebody slipped to my friend because he thought she knew already and when she asked how D  is doing, he said he’ll be back soon. So where is he? I pray he is okay.

It’s hard when you still love somebody and it’s doubly hard when they keep you in the dark.  I can only think of horrible scenarios that could have happened and I really pray that none of those did. Although if they did maybe he’ll get clean? But I doubt it.

Okay, onto something else, apparently I have sprained excuse me I haven’t sprained, I have fractured my wrist and  my knee. Happy joy joy. No wonder I’m in so much pain.

I sure hope I can heal by May. I have a trip planner and I really want to go.

 

*D. has been arrested once again for graffiti and should be out, next week. I pray his mom, or someone, has the dog