I am an Idiot!
I have been praying every day for over a year for my last husband to clean up from drugs and alcohol and come back to me..only to find out that he now has a Girlfriend
. This is killing me.
As it’s been, I have been afraid to see him because I would cry. I don’t know how to handle this.
People keep saying to “Get over him” which is not helpful.
I am not giving up on God or my faith but my prayers seem futile now. Plus, I wanted to snap at my sister since she was the one who pushed the Annulment.
I know it’s all my responsibility for my own choices but I am miserable now.
My song for today is The Heart Of The Matter by Don Henley
Crazy’s ex-husband is in town emptying his apartment. He is treating her like crap again and she is allowing it. She came over today, complaining but she won’t put a stop to it. She won’t stand up for herself. I try to give her my opinion but, it is not wanted.
It makes me wonder who I am to give advice when I had to go to such extremes to get D. to leave? Just because I finally stood up for myself does not mean everyone can or desires to.
It just hurts to see Crazy allowing this treatment and what’s worse is he is going to be coming back again to get the rest of his stuff out of her house.
In other news, I am always exhausted after my 2nd day of therapy. My hand is still very sore and I am working hard on straightening my fingers. I am looking forward to getting over this so I can start writing once again. My knee is still also a bit swollen, but, getting bettet.
Oh my gosh, Have you ever written an entire post and have it delete? It sucks.
So, I am very comfortable in my decision. D. needs to take responsibility for himself before we ever consider getting back together. Plus, he has chosen his drug over our marriage. I met a man who was clean and a devout Christian not a Druggie. He has changed into someone I don’t know, and wants me to compromise. I refuse to compromise on this issue.
He will hopefully have some money in 2 weeks and I pray he finds a place and picks up his stuff.
I am giving him an awful lot in packing. I ordered new dishes so he can have the old ones. Everything that came from his friends for our wedding goes to him, plus, I am trying to sort most everything evenly.
He is getting advice on Facebook now, but, does not tell them the main issue. Their advice might be way different, if they knew.
Yesterday was another total, down day of sickness (mainly headaches) which could be a side effect from all these meds, I am taking. Or, it could be just Migraines. I always make excuses for them when they probably just are. Every day, I feel a tiny bit better with this stuff but I so want it gone! I talked to a friend yesterday who told me she has been sick for a month and the poor thing could hardly hold a conversation on the phone; she coughed so much.
I pray for all who are afflicted with this stuff. And, for those who aren’t? Please be careful.. especially if you have a low, immune, system.