Different Outlook

I believe the fact that D. and I are communicating will help me to let go.  It’s like wanting something you can’t have.  Once you get it back, it’s not the same.  I am going to write a Pro/Con list also.  I deserve to be treated better and I need to stop settling.

I wrote my Pro/Cin list and Con”s win.  I am okay and at peace now.  I am done.

Church

While you don’t need to go to church to be a Christian or vice-versa; people say you need that church family or church experience to give you support and friendship on our lifes journey. 

 After everything with my last church, I had been watching and listening to sermons on thevradio and television. 

 Well, Crazy and I found an amazing, spirit- filled church to attend.The music is amazing, the Pastors are enlightening and the people are friendly.  Plus, it is nondenominational which is a plus. 

 I was bummed to miss tonight but am feeling blah after eating gluten at dinner.

Feeling

My car went in the shop to fix the air- conditioning and after getting it back;  the whole electrical system crashed so they towed it back to the shop,  yesterday.

My 4th of July was spent with a massive headache that lasted all day.

D. came over yesterday and he took me to Walmart to get a few things.   He said he is looking to rent a room for a while.   Apparently,  he asked a friend who suggested a different person who is female.   That scares me a bit with the future so uncertain.

Please remember this blog is my opinions and thougts.  I don’t want to hear ridicule for stating any.

Anyway,  I looked up my Therapist on Facebook  (which I should not have done) and discovered a trait about him,  I did not agree with.   I am not trying to judge people but I believe what the Bible says.  Needless to say,  I decided to stop seeing him due to his sexual choices  I wrote him a letter explaining my feelings and sent it

My View and My Decision

Today I am going to bring up my personal view on something that may make some of you angry.  Please remember this is just my view.  Please don’t be offended.  You are welcome to disagree, but not to fight or use slanderous terms.  This is my life and my feelings on the subject.

D’s Aunt is in town.  She and her Girlfriend came to Vegas to get married!  When I found out the reason they were coming, I told D. and his mother that I would not be attending the wedding (it was held at the Elvis Chapel) because it goes against my beliefs.  I strongly feel that I would be a Hypocrite to stand and witness something like that that I do not believe is right.  D. wound up going to be there for the family.  His mom could not go because she was working at the church.  Of course, she cannot tell the church her sister was in town and getting married.  D. said it wasn’t at our church so it should not make a difference, but, it does.  It is not something I am comfortable with.  I did spend time the day before with his Aunt and my Mother-In-Law baking GF Brownies and Cupcakes.  Plus, I will see her and meet her “Wife?” before they leave on Friday.

This reminds me of another time I stood up for how I felt.  A friend’s mother died and I hadn’t been speaking to this friend for a long time.  Friend called me and told me her mother died and when the service was and said I could come if I wanted.  After hanging the phone, I thought I didn’t want to go.  I did not feel sorry for friend.  She had treated her mother like crap for a long time.  I did not want to pretend I felt sorry for friend.  So, I sent Flowers or a Plant instead and that took care of the situation.  I felt bad for any other family members who may have attended the service.

Saving Sad Wedding Ceremony?

My eyes are red from crying over this situation.  Is it honestly selfish to have wanted the wedding D and I so desired?  I was reading the Bible about forgiveness.  It’s going to take a bit.  A long time.  Right now, I don’t think I can be close to her, near her in any capacity.  I’ve already warned people including D. since I will be a Greeter at church, I do not want her coming up to me and congratulating me.  I do not want her near me.  I honestly believe I will have a break-down or/and take her outside and tell her how I feel and it won’t be pretty.  The reason we would go outside is I know it isn’t right to throw F-Bombs in the middle of church.

D and I talked last night, and he is going to talk to Pastor to see what we can do to save this, or at least red0 this situation, a bit.  While we are already married in the legal form, there has got to be some sort of ceremony we can incorporate into the Reception/Party we are going to have (in August) that friends and family can witness.  I can have the right person stand up for me this time, if we incorporate that.  We can keep our theme and we can still take a Limo for pics at the Vegas Sign, if we want.

After that discussion and decision, I finally slept last night.