I will do The Daily Prompt later. This one is on my mind. Plus, it’s almost 2 a.m and I haven’t slept yet.
Okay, so Crazy and I are friends. BFF’s to be exact which means Best Friends Forever. We are here for each other to help and support each othet. I’ve hardly been able to walk since January so Crazy sleeps on the couch. I am just starting to walk but should not walk to far ‘alone’ yet. I did not want to move to Arizona knowing how Crazy is with her emotions and mental health issues; so, we worked it out and will have our own places side by side.
Here’s the thing:
When did everyone in society start thinking that just because two girls hang out and are always seen together, they must be Lesbians?
Two people have asked me about Crazy and I.
I am going to clarify this right now. We are not Lesbians and never will be.
The Golden Girls sharef a house, and Blanche was a slut.
Crazy and I are Best Friends. That is it. Yeah, we are a lot like sisters. Heck, maybe some brothers or best friends will enter the picture and sweep us off our feet. You never know.
In the meantime, we have both survived some painful relationships and are starting another life chapter.
That’s it. I am climbing down from the soapbox now and going to sleep.
My prompt for today is; Drawing The Line.
I know there are various interpretations of this but, I am going to address the one that totally affected my life.
My first major boyfriend was a drug addict. Mainly Crystal Meth. He never had money, slept constantly, was not responsible and we always had to go out in a group. He also introduced me to a horrible sex act that was definitely not pleasant or comfortable and one I would not ever care to repeat. But, I digress.
After dating him and dating another druggie; I decidef I was not going to marry one.
I met my last husband at church. D. was pretty much perfect. He didn’t drink, smoke or do drugs and we prayed over all major decisions. We hadn’t been married a year when he opened the door to allow Marijuana into our lives. He changef then, and became mean and lazy.
I had already made the decision that being married to a Druggie was not acceptable. I gave him an ultimatum.. Get Help or Get Out! Those that have followed my blog know the outcome. Our marriage ended. His choice.
You see, he never came forth with his past history. He had a history with drug addiction.
Drawing The Line on what is acceptable. It’s very tough but doable, and rigjt, in the long run.
This is a long one, but, it totally helps me with the situation I have been in and am dealing with.
Myths about Alcoholism and Drug Abuse – http://wp.me/p51OwE-cQp
So, it seems as if my mind has been running a mile a minute with new thoughts constantly.
I’ve decided to go to school for my BA. I found a work from home teaching job that would be perfect for me.
I am also thinking about joining a Meet Up group with Crazy. Neither of us can move on without meeting others as friends or dating, etc.. She has been very depressed and I have been swept back into confusion.
Of course, it will take a while for any of
this to happen as I missed a step on the stairway of the hotel last night and sprained my ankle pretty badly.
I am angry at myself for opening the door again. I was finally at peace in my mind with my decision. On the other hand, it is once more closed and I can’t beat myself up for thoughts and feelings that went off track. I guess I am thankful action wasn’t taken, after all. I guess the hard part now is being able to lock the door and throw away the key. I thought I had done this earlier, yet, I allowed his words to slip through so I know the lock is off or loose.
Pastor mentioned last night to get rid of your past and surround yourself with positive people. We can say again and again thatt we are but;
Lord, Please help me to move forward with you.
I wasn’t going to talk about this, but I have to.
D. and I said our goodbyes or rather emailed them. He wrote such a sweet email, I am in tears. He has accepted the fact that neither of us will change for the other. I am not sure what I was supposed to change but he will never get real help for his addiction.
I Hate this Shit and I hate Satan for tearing us apart! I hate my emotions when the day started out so peaceful and I am turning into a puddle. again.
I love/loved the man who I married and considered him my soul mate. I want to continue praying that he will go back to the man I married… BUT:
I can’t. I just tried to call him and didn’t get through. It is God’s way of saying to seriously Let Go!
God”s got it all under control and he alone lnows the future. It may be “us” again or it may not; but I can no longer wish, dream, hope, pray,or dwell on the possibility. I think by doing that, I am getting in the way of God’s plan..for both of us.
Tomorrow, I go to California. I am excited to see my old cat; and friends I haven”t seen since I moved here. When I get back, life will get back to my new reality and I will spend more time at my new church volunteering, etc.
I think i just went through a war but, I conquered it. After this night is over, my peace of my decision will once again, return.
After a lot of prayer, tears, pain,guilt, anger, sadness as well as, communication with him; I can finally say I am at peace with the Annulment and can move forward.
The fact that he lies or makes things up on Facebook and Instagram was enough to sway me this direction. The Pro/Con list, itself ended with a lot more con’s compared to pro’s.
The fact that he stopped drugs cold turkey really does not need to be taken under consideration because he could relapse any time just like he did in our marriage.
So, in conclusion, i am okay and my heart is at peace.
My song for today is; “I Am Woman!” by Helen Reddy.