My Heart At Peace

After a lot of prayer, tears, pain,guilt, anger, sadness as well as, communication with him; I can finally say I am at peace with the Annulment and can move forward.

The fact that he lies or makes things up on Facebook and Instagram was enough to sway me this direction.  The Pro/Con list, itself ended with a lot more con’s compared to pro’s.

The fact that he stopped drugs cold turkey really does not need to be taken under consideration because he could relapse any time just like he did in our marriage.

So, in conclusion, i am okay and my heart is at peace.

My song for today is; “I Am Woman!” by Helen Reddy.

Hearing News About D.

One of my friends is a friend of one of D’s friends. We got into a discussion today about a Facebook comment that’s going around and it says ‘Would You Marry the one you last kissed and Would you be happy?’ Well, I responded to that ;that I did and I was until everything went haywire. 

So, we got in this discussion about D. And I made the comment that I don’t think he is screwing around or in another relationship because he had told me he wasn’t going to do that. Well, she exclaimed, “What? He is having Flings with lots of different women!”. 

Apparently, she was informed that he is not doing well. He is all doped out all the time and is having Flings with a lot of different women. She has known this for a while, but didn’t tell me until today when the subject was brought up. So she said she is moving on and I needs to the same. 

 I know I need to do the same but this is the man I love that I am talking about and this is totally freaking hard. I mean, I guess I should be happy that he’s happy and he’s moved on, but I don’t believe he is really happy.  He didn’t want to have a bunch of Flings with other women. And I don’t know how he could be happy after taking a huge and I mean huge step backwards into the drug scene.  I can only imagine him losing his apartment and living with the dog in one of his tunnels he lived in before.  

I desperately need to see a Therapist.  Tomorrow, I am going to call and schedule an appointment.. hopefully for next week. 

 When my friend told me this earlier today, I felt my heart rip!

Crazy’s Drama

Yesterday was extremely rough for Crazy. Her Ex-Husband has started drinking again and when he drinks, he gets mean and calls her names.  This is the main reason their marriage ended. 

Within the passed few months, he has been using her anyway while supposedly saving money to move.  On Sunday, Crazy watched him spend every cent he made, plus more, on junk.  He was drunk all day while at the Swap Meet to sell his stuff.  

Yesterday, she finally ended it and got all her stuff out of his place.  After which, he proceeded to call her a Thief and lay guilt on her by calling while drunk and calling her names every few hours. 

 In one of his last calls, he said he is going to leave today.  I seriously hope he does.

  It will be hard for Crazy but she already see’s a Therapist and we are both supporting each other. 

 As of yesterday, it is completely official. I am back to my Maiden Name.  I am also being referred to a possible Therapist soon. 

Dreams

They say that dreams can affect or stem from your subconscious.   Well lately, I keep dreaming of D.

In one dream recently,  He Cleaned Up!  He decided our future was worth more than his drugs or alcohol.   I woke up with tears because his touch had been so vivid and I really wanted it to be true.   Then, Reality hit me in the head with the reasons we are both alone.

  My emotions have been up and down lately,  and I wonder if he ever reads this.  

I will never stop praying for the man who I fell in love with   I had to let him go for my own good and his too.

If you love someone.
Set them free.
If they come back to you
They’re yours  (the person they were)
If they don’t
It was never meant to be.

Condo For Christmas

The house is sold and I bought a condo!   It’s more like a Townhouse.  It’s two story with 1 1/2 bath.   It was built in the 80’s so the layout is interesting.   It is about 10 minutes away from my best friend and a lot closer to the Strip.
The HOA is totally reasonable especially when my Ex Husband from CA offered to pay the HOA for as long as I need.   Obviously,  if I get remarried or win the Lottery,  he can stop.

My Annulment is completely finished and D and I are done.   It is quite sad because I know we both still love each other;  but I don’t want to deal with him unless he cleans up.   I know if he really loves me, he can get help.  If not,  I will be happy on my own.

Sorry,  it’s been so long to update,  but, as you can tell. .been quite busy.   Will try to update more often after I get moved.

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!

It’s Over

I write this through tears because the Annulment was granted and my marriage is over.   Maybe I should be happy but, it really hurts.   I loved my husband but the drugs won out and so did the alcohol he added to it.   He could have gotten help, he cleaned up before,  but he gave up saying he wasn’t addicted…and he is.

I just want to cry for a bit or maybe throw up, but I will get through this.

I sold the house and they want it to close on the 15th of January.   After the inspection and my next check,  I can look at more places.

Crazy is here again until the 11th.   She went to court with me for support,  plus we will be celebrating my Birthday together.   I went to her church (Mormon Temple) for a Christmas Party and we have another party to attend on the 10th.

That’s it for this update.  Hope everyone is well.

Another Life Update

I have not received any offers on house and price has already been dropped 10 K.  People are leaving negative feedback regarding the cat smell.   I have 4 cats here!  My Handyman is going to remove the rest of carpet this weekend.

I have tried remaining friends  (and Lovers) with my husband, but it isn’t working.   He has been acting like a total Ass and is constantly drinking stuff with alcohol or smoking pot.  I have noticed I have been a lot less sick since we split up.

I got the Daith Piercing for my Migraines and am really impressed so far.   I still needed my meds when it got really bad, but I went 15 days without one.  That’s a record for me!