I Hate Good-Bye

I wasn’t going to talk about this, but I have to.  

D. and I said our goodbyes or rather emailed them.  He wrote such a sweet email, I am in tears.  He has accepted the fact that neither of us will change for the other.  I am not sure what I was supposed to change but he will never get real help for his addiction.  

I Hate this Shit and I hate Satan for tearing us apart!  I hate my emotions when the day started out so peaceful and I am turning into a puddle. again.

I love/loved the man who I married and considered him my soul mate.  I want to continue praying that he will go back to the man I married… BUT:

I can’t.  I just tried to call him and didn’t get through. It is God’s way of saying to seriously Let Go!   

God”s got it all under control and he alone lnows the future.  It may be “us” again or it may not; but I can no longer wish, dream, hope, pray,or dwell on the possibility.  I think by doing that, I am getting in the way of God’s plan..for both of us.

Tomorrow, I go to California.  I am excited to see my old cat; and friends I haven”t seen since I moved here.  When I get back, life will get back to my new reality and I will spend more time at my new church volunteering, etc.

I think i just went through a war but, I conquered it.  After this night is over, my peace of my decision will once again, return.

Stress = Sick

This morning I woke up with a score throat, cough and just feeling blah.

I think I know why.  Aside from the sudden weather change, I am depressed.

Saturday is the day two years ago that D and I got married. ¬†The day the church called giving us the choice between really tough options, the night I cried in my husband’s arms because our wedding was taken away.

It was a sad beginning of a marriage with an even sadder ending

Marriage Ending Saga

Oh my gosh, Have you ever written an entire post and have it delete? It sucks.

So, I am very comfortable in my decision. D. needs to take responsibility for himself before we ever consider getting back together. Plus, he has chosen his drug over our marriage. I met a man who was clean and a devout Christian not a Druggie. He has changed into someone I don’t know, and wants me to compromise. I refuse to compromise on this issue.
He will hopefully have some money in 2 weeks and I pray he finds a place and picks up his stuff.

I am giving him an awful lot in packing. I ordered new dishes so he can have the old ones. Everything that came from his friends for our wedding goes to him, plus, I am trying to sort most everything evenly.

He is getting advice on Facebook now, but, does not tell them the main issue. Their advice might be way different, if they knew.

Sad Chapter of Life

I still love my husband and in my heart I always will.  Maybe,  this will be a learning experience,  maybe,  D. Will open his eyes and decide what is most important to him,  maybe,  God will bring us back together in a few years,  or maybe not.
I want to stay friends through this.   I am sad the way this is ending.  But,  I think we both need to find ourselves again.   This is just not the time to be married to each other.
We got married quickly and the actual marriage was rushed even sooner due to unexpected circumstances.  We only knew each other for 6 months prior.   I know God works in his own time and God has told me, it’s time for a serious break.   If this relationship was really God’s Will,  it will happen again.   If not,  we will be led in other directions.

I am giving my 10 year old cat back to her daddy.  My Ex – Husband.   That hurts too.  I feel it is best for her since she does not really like the other cats and cannot be the only cat here.   He has a condo and she will rule it.  We will keep in touch with pictures and videos of the cat and dog. 

As soon as this life chapter closes, I can fix up the house and move closer to my friend, Keb, so we can hang out more.  I will find another church where I am comfortable and go from there.