I am an Idiot!
I have been praying every day for over a year for my last husband to clean up from drugs and alcohol and come back to me..only to find out that he now has a Girlfriend
. This is killing me.
As it’s been, I have been afraid to see him because I would cry. I don’t know how to handle this.
People keep saying to “Get over him” which is not helpful.
I am not giving up on God or my faith but my prayers seem futile now. Plus, I wanted to snap at my sister since she was the one who pushed the Annulment.
I know it’s all my responsibility for my own choices but I am miserable now.
My song for today is The Heart Of The Matter by Don Henley
Spent all day Monday (after doctor) at Social Security Office and yesterday, at DMV changing everything back to my Maiden Name. Today, I will continue with the bank, etc.
How do I feel? Well, I held off as long as I could. There is no point in going over how much I want him to get help. I want to cry since it is cleansing yet… I know God is with me and I did what I had to do.
Do I still love him? Yes, at the moment but I don’t love his stupid choices or the fact he gave up our Marriage to play with drugs and illegal graffiti. He was starting to take off with selling his artwork and I was proud of him!
What now? I keep going forward. I work on healing physicals and emotionally. I get closer to God. I continue to pray for D and work on losing the obsession. I am not looking for anyone. I get to know me, again.
Too Much, Too Little, Too Late
* The sickness was side effects from my meds.