D. and I are going to e-mail or text once in a while.
He claims the girl is not a girlfriend and says he quit weed. He did not go to actual recovery though. That bothers me because it’s to easy to relapse again and he has lied about quitting before.
I am feeling a bit better. I am determined to become a better person and open my eyes to reality.
When I was in my 20’s and used to party. I would drink, get silly, vomit and go to sleep. I always remembered what happened the night before. I have only tried drugs a few times and it was the same drug.
When I tried Marijuana the first time, nothing happened and I was told it was a bad batch. Recently, when I tried again for Migraines (which is what spiral ed out of control and into our downfall in marriage) it not only made my headaches worse, but made me feel silly, scared and sick. The smell itself is sickening and with my low immune system, I should not only not be doing it, I also, should not have it around me.
Yesterday, D came home totally stoned. Then, he even went to his car and had more. I think it is sad and incredibly disgusting.
He tells me he loves me, but, I don’t respond anymore. I hate this downward spiral he has chosen and since he isn’t trying to change, his love for me is not real.
I can honestly say, I am actually looking forward to him moving out. I just hope we don’t have another fight. He signed a contract stating on or before the 1st and he is already trying to swing it for a few more days.
I also had major car drama, yesterday. But, I will get into that, another time.
The Annulment should be finalized in 2 weeks. I just signed the final paper yesterday.
In the meantime, I am letting D. stay here since he has a definite apartment available September 1st. It is a bit difficult though, because he still smokes Marijuana (only out front or in his car) and does some stupid stuff.
I am tired of calling the Cops and D. has agreed to help get the house ready to sell, since I am not charging rent.
Dr. Phil said something truthful yesterday. He said if you don’t get to know yourself, you cannot have a healthy relationship with someone else.
My puppy, Bruno, is doing well. He really wants to be friends with his cat sisters but they hiss and smack him because he is so rambunctious.
I stayed with D’s mother Saturday night and explained the situation. I went to church on Sunday and the service was right on point, as if the Pastor knew all. I have talked to some people at church and have a support system and people to help with this.
Going to therapist today.
Don’t know how long to wait before giving him an ultimatum.
I am done taking blame for his part. I am strong enough to handle the future. I did not explain all facts of how this started; but I believe it will be over soon!
*For those that know me and read this. Please remember this is posted here and not on Facebook. You can comment here or private message or email only.
That being said, here we go:
As most of you who follow are aware, I suffer from debilitating Migraine Headaches. The doctors have been unable to really help me.
My husband and I decided to get Medical Marijuana Cards and try that for my headaches and his back.
I tried it last night and it was a scary experience. I had a third of a cookie and 2 puffs from his pipe. I definitely should not have had both. I may try a bit less, today. But, I am not sure it will help. Last night really scared me.
I was on a high for 3 hours or more giggling and talking. I remember I couldn’t work the phone. When the high ended, I slammed hard! I was vomiting and hot and cold. Plus, my head was worse than when I started. I felt worse than the flu.
To make things worse, my husband smoked his and was zoned out. He did help as best he could but, I had to wake him up for my headache shot.
Today, I am out of it. Still have a bad headache and will take another shot. I am afraid to try Marijuana again.
My husband, on the other hand, is already smoking way more than I am comfortable with and I have begged him to cut down and not smoke before he drives.
I seriously pray this doesn’t hurt our relationship. I love him and am afraid he might have an addictive personality.
If anyone else has experienced trying Marijuana, please share your stories. Was my reaction normal? Have you heard of using it for Migraines? Should I worry about us?