I think I slept 3 hours last night with everything on my mind.
I am negative in my Checking Account with no way to fix it, I don’t want to talk about Savings.
They are coming either Thursday or Saturday to take pictures and I need to get this place, presentable. I feel horrible making Crazy do it all, but all I can do is roll around on my desk chair until I can walk.
I keep thinking of what I need to get rid of, and how to do so; as well as, what I will do to my new place.
Church was awesome tonight! About having trust in God and he will give you your hearts desire.
It made me wonder, though. When D and I were together, we prayed over everything. How was our desire so wrong? Or was it?
God gave us each other but it didn’t last. I believe Satan intervened quickly to tear us a part and my husband was easily swayed to pull away..into his old lifestyle.
I have been in touch with him recently and nothing was easy. He wants to start over..with dating and forget the past ever really happened.. But, I can’t. Everything did happen and it ended for a reason or reasons. He said he stopped doing drugs two months ago which is great, if true. He is also having financial issues and suggested I help him with money. This angers me. I helped him with money for a long time when we were married and before which led me to debt. I don’t want to date when he has only been clean for two months. I need way more time if we are ever meant to be together again. I also need to seriously pray.
Pastor talked about new beginnings and letting God handle things. I am not sure God wants me with D. again. My heart,mind and body are back to confusion YET,
As much as I love the man, i am seeing things clearer. I feel/read his anger when things do not go his way, I have trust issues now and am not sure we are really meant for each other.
Which brings me back to my original question; How were we both so wrong?
If you have never tried Air BNB, I highly suggest it. It’s an app where people post rooms and housing for rent instead of a hotel/motel.
I stayed with an amazing family. My room was their Library so I could read to my hearts content. Anyway, I saw my cat and made friends with the girl who will be taking care of her, I also went to Knott’s Berry Farm, dinners and brunches and karaokying with friends. Surprisingly, I even slept solid every night which I haven’t done much since being alone.
On another note, do you ever feel like your life is a Carnival and you are not sure you want to go on a Roller Coaster a 2nd time? Especially when you know parts of the track are faulty and they have only started to fix it.
I think I am there, right now. I am not sure if I should leave the Carnival completely since it just reopened. I don’t know if it will ever reopen again or if I want it to. I do know I need to wait and think seriously about riding this roller coaster again.
*This is Firepie and me.
I believe the fact that D. and I are communicating will help me to let go. It’s like wanting something you can’t have. Once you get it back, it’s not the same. I am going to write a Pro/Con list also. I deserve to be treated better and I need to stop settling.
I wrote my Pro/Cin list and Con”s win. I am okay and at peace now. I am done.
I think I get a puppy, I said.
It will be fun and keep me active, I said.
Today, I have a sinus head thing going on, but I can’t take anything because I have labs at 9:30.
I now know my husband has two addictions. Marijuana and Pokémon Go.
I just know Pokémon Go will start to break up relationships soon.
I haven’t lived here in Las Vegas two years yet and I have a gardener so I didn’t know about hot water coming from the hose. My husband had told me to add water to the little pool for our desert Tortoise to rest and drink (see where this is going? )..so I took his suggestions and little T.T. immediately tried to get out. It wasn’t until I put my hand in that I realized how hot it was. I believe that’s what killed my poor Tortoise and I feel bad.
I n other news; I miss the man I married who would hold me in his arms and cuddle. I don’t like the man he has become at all. There is no going back in this separation especially when he is someone I don’t care to get close to.
I don’t believe that stuff but, I wonder if two of the same sign should be together.
I should be asleep since I only slept about 3 hours last night, but I also drank Sodaa so I am wide awake. I am planning on a nap later if I need it.
My husband and I went to Emergency for an infection in his nose near his eye , We got there around 6:30 and did not get home until midnight. They did tons of tests on and wound up sending him home with a doctors note to be off work for 3 days (nights)and some strong prescriptions as well as, a referral to a Specialist. The hospital was literally packed with people in beds by the wall, waiting for a room
On another note, Have you ever heard of someone who is a Dreamer but, also logical in their thought process. For example : I dated a man who was in a Band and also had a side job, This man and his Band had the opportunity to go interview in another state, I beleve, with the possibility of making a Disk and making it Big. Now this man (I will call him Fred) lived with some roommates and sold computer ribbon. (No, it was not that in real life) and when he told me about this wonderful opportunity ; he also told me he was going to quit his job and move out of his apartment in order to start over and become famous! Now, I also have many dreams which I will discuss in a minute. However, upon his plan, I asked him why he was quitting everything; since there was a chance his band would not get accepted and he would have nothing to come back to. Of course I was accused of being negative. I don’t know if they did become famous, but,I haven’t heard any of their music or old songs.
So, here lies the issue; My husband will say something like , ‘ I have these prescriptions to take which are supposed to be really good” . and I will respond with ‘Good luck, they never worked for me’. A true life example (because the other one wasn’t ) is; I would love to have a farm and raise every animal, I can. I fell in love with a Prairie Dog, that is for sale. My husband said he would get it for me with cage and everything, but, I responded with ‘It might not get along with the cats and I don’t have 1-3 hours a day to spend with it. Of course, I am accused of being negative when I am actually being realistic and practical. Do I really want this Prairie Dog. Yes. Could I spend 1-3 hours a day with it. Probably BUT…We have five cats and a dog now. What if one or two of the cats don’t like it.? Where will we put the cage so the cats cannot get to it? Is it fair to put the Prairie Dog in a room for most of the day?
So, I sit here and dream of the Prairie Dog while knowing its not the best time to start my zoo.
Any information or thoughts on this situation is welcome: EXCEPT saying we have to many Animals since that is our decision.
*Note- One friends post already got deleted when she said I have to many animals. I will stick with that. I emailed her instead,