Clearer Thinking and Time

Church was awesome tonight!  About having trust in God and he will give you your hearts desire.

It made me wonder, though.  When D and I were together,  we prayed over everything.  How was our desire so wrong?  Or was it?

God gave us each other but it didn’t last.  I believe Satan intervened quickly to tear us a part and my husband was easily swayed to pull away..into his old lifestyle.

I have been in touch with him recently and nothing was easy.  He wants to start over..with dating and forget the past ever really happened.. But, I can’t.  Everything did happen and it ended for a reason or reasons.  He said he stopped doing drugs two months ago which is great, if true.  He is also having financial issues and suggested I help him with money.  This angers me.  I helped him with money for a long time when we were married and before which led me to debt.  I don’t want to date when he has only been clean for two months. I need way more time if we are ever meant to be together again.  I also need to seriously pray.

Pastor talked about new beginnings and letting God handle things.    I am not sure God wants me with D. again.  My heart,mind and body are back to confusion YET,

As much as I love the man, i am seeing things clearer.  I feel/read his anger when things do not go his way, I have trust issues now and am not sure we are really meant for each other.

Which brings me back to my original question;  How were we both so wrong?

About Trip

If you have never tried Air BNB, I highly suggest it. It’s an app where people post rooms and housing for rent instead of a hotel/motel.

I stayed with an amazing family.  My room was their Library so I could read to my hearts content. Anyway, I saw my cat and made friends with the girl who will be taking care of her, I also went to Knott’s Berry Farm, dinners and brunches and karaokying with friends. Surprisingly, I even slept solid every night which I haven’t done much since being alone.

On another note, do you ever feel like your life is a Carnival and you are not sure you want to go on a Roller Coaster a 2nd time?  Especially when you know parts of the track are faulty and they have only started to fix it.

I think I am there, right now.  I am not sure if I should leave the Carnival completely since it just reopened. I don’t know if it will ever reopen again or if I want it to.  I do know I need to wait and think seriously about riding this roller coasterIMG_20170615_194705.jpg again.

*This is Firepie and me.

Different Outlook

I believe the fact that D. and I are communicating will help me to let go.  It’s like wanting something you can’t have.  Once you get it back, it’s not the same.  I am going to write a Pro/Con list also.  I deserve to be treated better and I need to stop settling.

I wrote my Pro/Cin list and Con”s win.  I am okay and at peace now.  I am done.

Just Some Thoughts

I think I get a puppy,  I said.
It will be fun and keep me active,  I said.
Grr…..Lol.

Today,  I have a sinus head thing going on, but I can’t take anything because I have labs at 9:30.

I now know my husband has two addictions.   Marijuana and Pokémon Go.
I just know Pokémon Go will start to break up relationships soon.

Hose Mistake and Thoughts

I haven’t lived here in Las Vegas two years yet and I have a gardener so I didn’t know about hot water coming from the hose.  My husband had told me to add water to the little pool for our desert Tortoise to rest and drink (see where this is going? )..so I took his suggestions and little T.T. immediately tried to get out.   It wasn’t until I put my hand in that I realized how hot it was.  I believe that’s what killed my poor Tortoise and I feel bad.

I n other news;  I miss the man I married who would hold me in his arms and cuddle.   I don’t like the man he has become at all. There is no going back in this separation especially when he is someone I don’t care to get close to.

I don’t believe that stuff but, I wonder if two of the same sign should be together.

A Realistic Dreamer

Good  Morning,

I should be asleep  since I only slept about  3 hours last night, but I  also drank  Sodaa so I am wide awake.   I am  planning on a nap later if I need it.
My husband and I went  to Emergency for an infection in his nose near his eye ,  We got there around  6:30 and did not get home until  midnight.  They did tons of tests on and wound up sending him home  with  a doctors note to be off work for 3 days  (nights)and some strong prescriptions  as well  as, a referral to a Specialist.   The hospital was literally packed with  people in beds by the wall, waiting for a room

On another note,  Have you ever heard of someone  who is a Dreamer but, also  logical in their thought process.  For example :  I dated a man who was in a Band and also had a side job,  This man and his Band  had the opportunity to go interview in another state, I beleve,  with the possibility of making a Disk and making it Big.  Now this man (I will call him Fred)  lived with some roommates and sold computer  ribbon.  (No, it was not that  in real life) and  when he told me about  this wonderful opportunity ; he also told me he was going to quit his job  and move out of  his apartment  in order to  start over and become  famous!  Now, I also  have many dreams which I will discuss in a minute.    However,  upon his  plan,  I  asked him why he was quitting everything;  since there was a chance  his band would not get accepted  and he would have nothing to come back to.   Of course  I was accused of being negative.   I  don’t know if they  did become  famous,   but,I haven’t heard any of their  music or old songs.

So, here lies the issue;  My husband  will say something  like , ‘ I have these prescriptions  to take  which are supposed to be really good” . and I  will  respond with ‘Good luck, they never worked  for me’.    A true life example   (because the other one wasn’t ) is;  I would love to have a  farm and raise every animal, I can.   I fell in love with  a  Prairie Dog, that is for sale.   My husband said he would  get it for me with cage and  everything,  but, I responded with ‘It might not get along with the cats and I don’t  have 1-3 hours a day  to spend with  it.  Of course, I am accused of being negative  when I am actually being realistic and practical.  Do I really want this Prairie  Dog.  Yes.  Could I spend 1-3 hours a day with it. Probably  BUT…We have five cats and a dog now.  What if one or two of the cats don’t  like  it.? Where will we put the cage so the cats  cannot get to it?  Is it fair to  put the Prairie  Dog in a room for most of the day?

So, I sit here and dream of the Prairie  Dog while knowing  its not the best time to start my zoo.

Any information or thoughts on this situation  is welcome: EXCEPT  saying  we have to many Animals  since  that is our decision.

 

*Note- One friends post already got deleted when she said I have to many animals.  I will stick with that.  I emailed her instead,

I Think It’s About Forgiveness… and a Quote

Rick Warren started something called ‘Celebrate Recovery’ which is taught in many churches.  At first I thought it was only for people who abused alcohol and drugs, however, I have since learned that we all have things that we need to face and possibly recover from.  One of the chapters is on Forgiveness.  I have not officially started the class at church yet (since it has not started) yet, I have started thinking a lot about life and who I need to forgive, as well as, who needs to forgive me.  Every few day, a person will pop into my head and will bug me for a while until I need to write a letter to that person forgiving them or asking for forgiveness.  With one person, I just wrote a letter doing both and am now simply waiting for a friend to give me her address so I can mail my letter.  Then, it will be in God’s hands.

Since I forgot to write my final quote the other day of my challenge, I will do so now.  It is from Scarlett in “Gone With The Wind.”. My favorite movie of all time.  It is when she is sitting on the steps at the end of the movie and she says,

“Oh, I’ll think about it tomorrow, After all, tomorrow is another day!”

Tomorrow is another day and a new beginning.  I am thankful for every tomorrow I receive that I am able to start over.